
My cat Bill is ten today. I named him after Bill the Cat, an orange tabby featured in Berke Breathed's Sunday comic "Opus." I got him from the Humane Society, and they didn't know exactly when he was born, so I decided that April Fools' Day was an appropriate birthday. I brought him home in June 1997 just before I brought that D-O-G home. The first night I had Billy he shat on my bed (i was dumb enough to let him sleep there without making sure that he really got the idea of the litter box). In his early days, he did normal kitten things, like claw his way up my legs and attack dustbunnies with abandon. Then, a month later, I brought home the Moose. I put the puppy crate down on the floor, and Billy romped his way up to it like, "hey, what toy did you bring me today?" and stopped dead in his tracks at the (closed) cage door. Little tiny Billy arched his back and hissed and made all the noise he could to let this "creature" know that he was a huge, fierce feline to be reckoned with. Moose whimpered; "lemme out i wanna play!" I let them sniff for a while, then opened the cage door. Baby Moose romped out, all paws, and promptly chased the cat under the couch. The cat came out the other side. Moose followed. You've seen Moose, so you can picture how small she was to fit under the futon. Billy soon figured out that higher is safer. And thus began ten years of The Cat And Dog Chase.
In celebration of Billy's tenth birthday, here's a list of ten things he has accomplished in the first half of his life:
1. Pulling the upholstry clear out of the arm of my favorite Green Chair. Staples and all. Argh.
2. Surviving a Christmas air travel nightmare. The 20+ lb Billy managed to fit in a crate (barely), and convinced the airline representative that he actually satisfied the weight limit for in-cabin travel (ha). We got stuck at O'Hare overnight and I snuck him into a hotel room. The drugged Billy actually climbed the hotel curtains.
3. Convincing Kim's dog Rue and Michelle's dog Billy that he is the alpha kitty.
4. In cahoots with Moose, eating the deed to my house in Milwaukee.
5. Snitching untold amounts of food from countertops. ("Yeah, mom, don't leave the loaf of bread on the counter, put it in the....... oops, too late"; or,"damnit, I left my lunch unattended for two minutes, who does he think he is, Garfield?? well, i guess it *was* lasagna...")
6. Swatting my wonderful glass Starbucks french press from atop the fridge. Don't even ask me how he got up there, I have no idea.
7. Repeatedly surviving the "shaken, not stirred" and "look, i can fit the cat's entire head in my mouth!" treatment from Moose... without *obvious* brain damage, anyways.
8. Bewitching two of my neighbors to feed him when i put him on diet. "What, your cat's on a diet? Oh that's why he always seems so hungry!"
9. Almost crushing Darcy by choosing to snooze on her chest. 100 lb Darcy + 20 lb of cat = hard to breathe!!
10. Breaking out of his crate on a car ride home from the vet and crawling under the brake pedal, then onto the steering column, preventing me from turning the wheel. The 3 of us almost bit it on that ride home.
Ah, to another ten years of adventures with this creature. At least now he has me trained.